For this first Thanksgiving without my husband, I didn’t want to do a traditional meal on the actual day. We agreed to do an informal dinner the weekend before.
Did I think this would lessen the blow of having our first holiday meal without him? Yes. Was I wrong in this assumption? Yes.
This morning, as I was preparing the dishes I was assigned to bring, I opened my oven and noticed this inside was a mess. We have a propane oven and realized I don’t know how to clean the inside. I never had to do that before. My husband handled everything concerning the house, meaning from repairs all the way to cooking.
Sometimes when a wife loses a husband, she is lost because she never handled anything financial in the marriage. I always knew I wouldn’t have trouble in this manner. Once my husband became disabled, we managed on one income. What I didn’t expect was being so lost about how to do just about everything else.
So I looked at the dirty oven, and started to cry. I continued crying while preparing my dishes.
I knew our daughter was sad, too, because she posted she was dreading this and also posted our last family photo from last Thanksgiving.
I studied that picture and realized how awful I looked. For months I had been dealing with a husband with rapidly declining mental health. I let myself go terribly. I looked like I woke up, rolled out of bed, threw on just any old junk and headed to dinner. My gosh, I am the Avon Lady, how could I walk outside my house looking like this?
I went through that day sitting on pins and needles, not knowing what would happen, how he would act and who would he offend. I was constantly in the middle. “Gretchen, do you know what Bubba is doing?” “Mom, dad is…..” “G-Maw, Paw Paw is…..” Everyone thought I could intervene and change the direction of his behavior.
I was worn.
Have you ever heard the song Worn by Tenth Avenue North? If not, go listen to it. That song was my life.
Remembering that final Thanksgiving helped me shift my perspective. I was going to be sad missing my normal husband, but I was going to enjoy this day being free from mentally impaired husband. I was going to put that bad Thanksgiving memory behind me and focus on all the good ones instead (there were many).
I put on make-up, fixed my hair, dressed nice, googled how to clean my oven and headed off to my daughter’s house for a wonderful day of making new memories.
(Just a note: Since I am the Avon Lady, I tithe my online order earnings to my daughter and SILs personal ministry of ministering to college students. Every Monday night, they open their home to the students, break bread and play games. Recently, they had 24 people at one meal. That is quite a lot on a youth minister’s salary. But God always provides. I like to give them help when I can. Please check out my Avon website. We are not your grandmother’s Avon anymore. Your products will be delivered directly to your door. If this is your first time ordering online, use code WELCOME10 for 10% off any order. And, you get FREE SHIPPING on any $40+ order. YourAvon.com/ghegwood)