My son hooked up an antennae to my house so I could watch local stations when not streaming.  This has brought back a flood of memories, great memories, good memories, sweet memories.  In our early years of marriage, when we had a boat, our Saturday and Sunday mornings were spent fishing in the bayou – lots of time with my father-in-law tagging along.  Such great memories, good memories, sweet memories.  In later years, bones getting older, exhausted from a work week, no longer living on the bayou, no longer have a boat, we would leisurely snuggle on Saturday mornings, watching PBS.  We would kick off the morning with This Old House, and then watch the local New Orleans cooking shows.  In much later years, our two grandchildren would hop in bed with us for our Saturday morning PBS and snuggles.  Great memories, good memories, sweet memories.

The last few years of my husband’s life were not good.  Years of chronic body pain, years of living on pain meds – finally broke him.  He was depressed, angry, drank.  Dark moments.  Then he chose to leave this earth in a most horrible way that left his family shattered. Those last few years tried to overtake the sweet memories of a what was a good man – who did good deeds – made people laugh. That last day tried to define a man’s life of what he was not – robbing great memories, good memories, sweet memories.

Therapy – I highly recommend it.  Therapy brought me out of the dark and I do not linger there.  BUT!  Therapy could not control my dreams.  When most people lose a loved one, they whisper to heaven and ask for them to visit them in their dreams.  The times I dreamt of my husband were – were – let me just say – stressful.  I would wake up shaking – not wanting to move – stay in my bed – bury my head under the pillow – go away world I cannot face you!  Therapy – I highly recommend it.  Therapy brought me out of the dark so I did not linger there for the rest of the day. 

One day at a time – I got this!

And then!  2 years, 10 months and 22 days since my husband left this earth – finally!  I was dreaming.  I walked into my room.  He was waiting for me.  All I saw were beautiful blue eyes, a relaxed face and a gentle smile.  He was waiting for me to snuggle and watch our Saturday morning PBS.  Great memories, good memories, sweet memories.

Then I woke up.  But thank you God for this sweet moment.  Thank you God that I did have sweet memories.  So I decided I was going to lay there, relish the sweet moment and watch Saturday morning PBS. 

All was right with the world until I realized it was Tuesday. 

Therapy – I highly recommend it.  Therapy taught me to latch onto to this sweet moment.  Carry it with me throughout the day and go on living – even when you wake up on a Tuesday and think it is Saturday. 

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Help is available.

Speak with someone today.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

800-273-8255

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Acts 2:17 – In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.