I don’t know why.
Maybe it was a residual affect from the steroid shot I had to have the evening before. Maybe it was that my grief is progressing through the next phase where I feel like living again. Maybe it was a blessing from God, saying, “Child, you have been through so much these past few years that I am granting you a joyful Saturday.”
Maybe it was all of the above. I woke up that Saturday morning feeling like a million bucks. I woke up really early – around 4:00 a.m. I wanted to try to fall back asleep, after all, I set my alarm for work 5 days a week. Can’t I just sleep in for a bit on the weekend? But I was feeling to euphoric to stay in bed.
Sure I still had the same issues I had the day before. My husband took his own life 7 months ago. I am facing repairs on my house alone, something I have no idea how to handle. But for some reason, I was euphoric. And I am going to ride that euphoric horse for as long as I can.
About dang time!
I had forgotten what euphoria felt like. I lived years having to be the sole provider of the family due to my husband’s disability. And I would do it again, for better or worse – that was my vow. But living for years with an alcoholic had taken its toll. Add on top of that, the man was living in severe chronic pain from his body turning on itself, which caused him to turn on me. I watched my fun-loving husband morph from the life of the party to a bitter old man, who couldn’t be happy about anything or anybody. I couldn’t do anything right in his eyes, and I finally gave up trying – and didn’t really care anymore. When he would start his rants, I would simply go in another room. All I can say is life was downright miserable for all of us the last two years of his life.
I was able to handle all of the responsibilities only by the Grace of God.
So when I woke up feeling euphoria, I figured I better treasure that moment because I don’t know when that next tidal wave of grief is going to hit me.
I leisurely piddled that morning. Felt like a luxury. I was facing a day of house chores, but I decided I was going to look dang good doing it. Normally, I throw on ratty weekend clothes, don’t bother with hair and make-up, have to run to the store for something or the other – and run into
Everyone. I. Know.
I am the Avon lady, at least I should look the part. Right?
So I picked out clothes I could do my chores in, but ones that wouldn’t make me look homeless if I ventured into the public eye. It was going to be a humid day (well, that is almost every day in our neck of the woods). So I had to do something with the wild locks spiraling out of control. A few bobby pins later and I had a messy updo look that still manages to present ‘I kind of have it together look.’ I figured I came this far, I better put on foundation. For my age, my skin is in good condition due to my Avon products, but I do have rosacea. (My favorite skin care is our Avon Anew Hydra Fusion line. Check it out on my website.) So let’s dab on a little foundation. My go-to product is Avon True Flawless Cream-to-Powder Foundation – heavy enough to cover my rosacea, but feels like a part of my skin – never cakey or heavy feeling. My favorite is Natural Beige (#593-360 if you are looking for something new). I could have stopped there – but you know – euphoria carries you a long way. Let’s dab on some blush. I have dry skin. I like something creamy on my face, so I use Avon True Color Be Blushed Cheek Color Stick (#578-295 Blushing Nude). I wonder if I can accomplish a little eye shadow, applied just so, so that it is an enhancement, but looks natural. What’s in my stash? Avon True Color Multi-Finish Eyeshadow Quad – Naked Truth (#528-117). If I put on eyeshadow, I must put on eyeliner. Now that my face is – how should I put this – is much bigger than when I was younger, my once big eyes have disappeared into my chipmunk cheeks and round face. I have to use eyeliner so people even know I have eyes. Have you ever tried Avon’s True Color Glimmersticks Waterproof Eye Liner? I used Blackest Black (#488-328). This goes on so smooth. One of my customers quit using Lancome eyeliners because Avon went on just as well, and is oh so affordable. Well now my lips look pale, unadorned and sad. They want attention too. Hmmmm. Need to be careful what I pick here because my daughter tells me some of my lipstick is New Orleans Bourbon Street worthy. Hey! So what! New Orleans is where I am from and proud to say it! And I am a product of the disco era where everything was flamboyant. But still, I didn’t want to look like I was heading out for a night on the town. I just wanted to feel good about myself. Let’s use Avon 2-in-1 Lip Tattoo Lip Line & Fill Duo, Inked Rose (#494-239). I have to put a little color on my lips. Nude lipsticks do not do a darn thing for me.
Well now that the face and hair is all done, a little costume jewelry will be the crowning glory. I put on my necklace that says “Avon,” combined with a necklace that says “Beauty Boss.” Then that led to earrings. My hair was up so I could show off earrings. I couldn’t find any of my post earrings. I guess I still have not unpacked those from my move 7 months ago. But wait! I belong to the best Avon group ever. I had just received a pair in the mail from the best upline ever, Karen! I ripped open that envelope and put some earrings on that may have been a little too fancy for chores – but hey – euphoria – what can I say? (You need to check out Avon’s jewelry line…..)
All of the above explained in painful detail is to give hope to those newly grieving. I know you feel you will never think of anything else but this sorrow. I was shocked I was able to concentrate on something trivial as hair and make-up without thinking of my husband’s suicide. Those thoughts usually plague my mind almost 24/7.
I sat back and looked at the face in the mirror. Oh how she has aged – and gotten rounder. A few weeks ago I had been going through old photos and missing that young, skinny woman with the great hair. Oh how I would love to go back to those carefree days that didn’t involve bills, mortgages, alcoholism, DUIs, fines, chronic pain, clinical depression. But that face in the mirror today is so much wiser than that face that looked back at me in my younger years.
It is what it is and I am who I am. And I can hold my head up high.
I am going to treat that woman in the mirror right. She deserves it, and she will preserver.
I am living, I am breathing, and I am functioning in society without all of my husband’s added drama.
This Saturday morning was a blissful moment for me. This was proof that I am healing. Finally, a turning point to the good.
I like that person in the mirror!
James 1:2-3 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
(Just a note to my U.S. readers – I am finding healing in giving back. My side job – my Avon business – is helping me do that. My daughter, and youth minister son-in-law, have a personal ministry of reaching out to college students in their home on Monday nights – sometimes over 20 people are fed – on a youth minister’s salary! They break bread, play games and speak the gospel. I am tithing my online order proceeds to their ministry. Every little bit helps. Would you please check out my website? If this is your first time ordering Avon online, use code WELCOME10 for 10% off any size order. Your products will be delivered directly to your door. Some of the college students are foreign exchange students. From a hand built table in southern Mississippi, the gospel is managing to be spread around the world. Would you shop from my online store and have a part in spreading God’s word?)
GLORY TO THE ORDINARY!