I thought I had forgiven you. I told everyone I had forgiven you, but I would never forget what you did.
But I still had so much anger in myself. If I was holding that much anger, had I truly forgiven you?
This is what my forgiveness looked like: Yeah, I forgive you, you sorry, stupid, bastard. I forgive you for committing suicide, leaving me alone to suffer the consequences and agony of the choice you made, by yourself, for our future. Goodbye and good riddance. I no longer have to deal with your chronic pain, severe depression, alcoholism and narcissistic behavior. I forgive you and thank you for giving me freedom from your insanity, you idiot.
Hmmmm…… Does that sound like forgiveness to you? I thought not. Sounds more like pure anger, judgement and condemnation.
When I ask God to forgive me, does He say “Yeah, I forgive you – you lousy bastard.”
What I just wrote sounds like blasphemy.
Then this Bible verse found me:
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37
Only by reading God’s Word am I truly able to forgive you.
This is what my forgiveness looks like now: So my dearest, departed husband, I forgive you.