The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentation 3:22-23
I was in a bit of a snit last night and having a pity party. I felt I was back to square one in my grief process. What a setback I was having, and I was feeling lonely.
Yesterday, our granddaughter turned 5. She is the life of the party, like her grandfather was. Little Miss Sassy is so full of happiness, love and personality. I couldn’t help but think what her Paw Paw was missing, by his own hand He would have made a huge deal out of her newly pierced ears. And I could picture him, and our baby, sitting on his lap as she told the story of how she scored two goals in her soccer game. Our Little Miss Sassy would have had his undivided attention. This man was born to be a Paw Paw.
Yesterday was also our son’s birthday. I had the bright idea to cook a supper for my son and bake a cake. The kitchen was my husband’s area of expertise. I am a burning, over-cooking, setting the food on fire hot mess of a momma. I was my usual disaster self. I really, really need to stay away from the kitchen.
I was so unnerved by these thoughts I pretended he was in the passenger seat of our vehicle on the drive home and I cursed him out royally. I vented lots of frustration. I calmed down enough to listen to the radio, only to have Brooks & Dunn’s Neon Moon shatter the thin glass my mind was walking on. I fell hopelessly into a state of loneliness and depression.
I went to sleep with a heavy heart and had sad, sad dreams.
BUT THEN, I opened my eyes to a new morning. Instead of lamenting my sorrows, I lamented on Lamentation 3:22-23. God brings me new mercies every morning. I was calm. I decided to take a walk outside on my property. Bin, the dog, trailed along, and Katuree the Krazy Cat insisted I carry her. My husband’s presence is everywhere outside. That was his domain. He has four neat stacks of future projects waiting to be done at Spooky Hollow Southern MS, our faux homestead. Faux, in meaning that if the apocalypse came, we would be the first to die.
He has a stack of boards that can be used for various projects, a stack of tin to re-do our tool shed, covered by a stack of thick wooden fence posts. He has a stack of fencing and metal fencing posts. And, finally, he has a stack of various sizes of miscellaneous brick, stone slabs and little boulders. I didn’t look at this stack with sadness. Because of my new mercies for today, I looked at this stack with a hope of some great projects. How will the projects get done? I do not know. I have not a crafty bone in my accountant body.
But that thought is for another day – another day that has renewed mercies.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6–7)
I walked back into the house, made my son a cup of bitter coffee, and conjured up plans to salvage the pork loin, and to once again try to bake that cake.
As for me, I am not eating anything I cook. I have plans with some high school friends to meet at a café for a late lunch.
Thank you God for renewed mercies every morning!